Anxiety in Children

We all had some fear when we were children; fear of monsters under the bed, or fear of the dark, etc, and often children grow out of this fear. In fact, a little fear or stress can be healthy, eg fear of accidents help us in paying full attention while driving which is called U STRESS which is Positive Stress. But the problem arises when fear or stress begins to disrupt our daily life then that is called Anxiety

Some children worry too much about small things or take things seriously all the time. They seem constantly stressed, which creates a problem in sleeping resulting in them to be restless and tired all the time. They become very critical about themselves. This is Problematic Anxiety. Anxiety can be a result of various factors like a fearful experience. The child may have encountered a bad experience that harbored intense fear. Eg. Falling while riding a bicycle, this fall harbored fear for bicycle, now the child avoids sitting also on any kind of bike fearing that he would fall again.

Another factor for anxiety is major life change, changes like moving schools or cities, or changes in the family like the birth of a sibling or divorce of parents. Changes like these bring out the insecurities in them. They start worrying too much about their future.

Too much anxiety harms children in many areas of life. They may have trouble concentrating in class or trouble in making new friends. They may not be willing to try new things or go new places. For many children, anxiety can lead to the urge for things to always be “perfect” to the extent that they become extremely critical of themselves.

A child’s fear can often seem silly or irrational to adults. But for these children, their fears are legitimate because they don’t know that their fears are unusual or that they can be controlled. Although dealing with a child’s fears can be frustrating, especially when the things you say or do to comfort your child don’t seem to work, you can help your child learn to recognize the difference between real and imaginary threats.

These tips and strategies can help children overcome anxiety from a Psychology Angle.

1. Talking to your child about their anxieties:

Talking to children about their fears can be difficult, however, it is the most important step. In order to help them overcome their anxiety, it is very important to understand what is causing them fear or anxiety While talking, keep in mind to choose a place that is free from distractions, keep the conversation brief, maintain a positive and calm attitude and focus on one situation at a time.

2. Break it into small steps:

Make a list of activities and behaviors that your child is anxious about. Break it down into small steps and work on achieving one step at a time. When possible, do the activity with your child first, and then gradually withdraw, encourage them to do it on their own.

E.g. If your child has fear of water, putting one foot at the edge of the pool can be a brave small step.

3. Rewarding behavior:

Use rewards and praise to encourage brave behaviors. How much ever small the step is, always back it up with a reward and praising phrases. Make sure the rewards are realistic and available immediately. If your child is old, let him suggest the rewards that he feels are worth risking his fears.

4. Set Time Frames:

Discuss with your child how soon he is willing to try at least one behavior. If  the specific child is absent then try setting a target date yourself and prefer a special reward for that  one specific behavior.

5. Positive Story Telling:

Tell a story on your child’s favorite topic. Describe him as a hero using as many details as possible. Gradually add the fears of your child in the story and describe specifically how the hero i.e. your child is reacting to it with confidence and courage. The more real the story feels, the more it will help your child to feel positive about it. Teach your child to think of this story when he or she feels upset in another situation.

6. Teaching Self Relaxation:

Ask your child to remember the last time they felt anxious, explain to them how his body sometimes gets ready for danger, even when he really is safe from harm. Choose a relaxation signal, e.g when they are anxious, they can make their fist tight. Then, tell them to try to relax starting with their hands, while taking slow deep breaths. Ask them to act it out. Practice when and how to use these techniques and talk about how things can be different when using these techniques.

About the Author

Dr. Alka Kalra is a renowned psychologist and a Professional Counsellor, who is known as a crusader for children who are misperceived as underachievers. With her passion for children who have hidden learning difficulties, Dr. Alka wants them to never undermine themselves and realize that they have unique skills and strengths. To work with these children, she established Eduscan in 1995.  Within two decades in the UAE, Dr. Alka has changed the lives of numerous children who struggled at school due to their low performance. They are now in different parts of the world with successful careers. She also believes in training teachers as they touch many lives. Community Development Authority (Dubai) certified psychologist Dr. Alka is known for the assessment of personality, aptitude, intelligence, and hidden learning difficulties. Dr. Alka has had the honor of receiving the university gold medal in Masters of Psychology and has a second Masters in Education as well. She has earned her Ph.D. and her Post-Doctoral Research from the University of Pittsburgh, USA. To know more about her work, follow her on her Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit her website