How To Deal With Toddler Tantrums

Tantrums are a normal part of child development. They’re how young children show that they’re upset or frustrated. Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. They can have a meltdown because they can’t get something (like a toy or a parent) to do what they want.

The following transcript is auto-generated from Youtube

hello hi I’m Lisa I’m the principal of
kangaroo kids nursery school in Dubai
I’ve been working with children and
families for the last 28 years so today
we’re going to talk about toddler
tantrums we’re going to talk about why
they happen what to do when they’re
happening so we’ll look at before during
and after and hopefully after this
session you’ll have something that you
can go away and work with to make life
just that little bit calmer in a house
with a toddler so why do children have
tantrums now I’m not sure I’m very keen
on the word tantrum but let’s go with
that word but what does it mean it’s an
expression of emotion it’s a frustration
sometimes children feel overwhelmed by
what they want to do but that’s limited
by what they can do because of their age
and size it can also be impacted by the
area around them is it over stimulating
and are they feeling perhaps hungry
angry lonely tired now those are some of
the triggers that might mean that your
child is more likely to have a temper
tantrum I always think it’s really good
to try to empathize put yourself in the
child’s shoes and that might help you to
understand why your child might be
having a tantrum let’s return back to
before a temper tantrum how can we avoid
that I think it’s really important to
perhaps yeah after a temper tantrum to
reflect on why it might have happened so
we talked about a child feeling hungry
angry lonely tired what might be the
triggers are they feeling a bit
overwhelmed but also we need to look at
what we did have the adult before the
temper tantrum started so let’s imagine
you want the child to put on their shoes
did you ask in a very complicated way
did you give them eye contact were you
perhaps on your phone where you very
distracted yourself so perhaps think
about the way that you give an
instruction to a child and it’s really
helpful to give it in three steps so for
example with shoes shoes on please
that’s a very very simple
three step question and a request that
might be easier for a child to follow so
let’s look at what happens before the
temper tantrum did we give a very clear
instruction and what’s happened in the
past have we been the type of parent who
will stick with what we’ve asked the
child to do or do we sometimes cave in a
little bit under pressure and pass back
down from our original request okay so
what to do during the temper tantrum
look I know that it’s stressful it might
be very difficult because you’re in the
supermarket it might be difficult
because you’re at a friend’s house or at
family’s house and you really don’t want
them to think too badly of your
parenting skills but what I say to you
is stop have a look at what behavior
you’re seeing listen to the child and
think how are you going to deal with
that but more importantly why not
empathize try and understand what’s
happening because actually it’s really
stressful when you’re a small person and
you can’t express what’s happening and
you’re yourself feeling very frustrated
but whole overwhelming sense of emotion
that comes with a temper tantrum is
scary so what I say to you is keep calm
listen look get down to the child’s
level so just stop what you’re doing and
think so come down to their level and
really tune in to what’s happening I
understand you’re feeling upset I
understand you’re frustrated I know you
wanted mommy to give you that toy I know
you feel that way I’m here for you I
understand you’re feeling angry aren’t
you but this feeling will pass and so
just take that time but you know what I
say is never ever go head-to-head with a
child because you’re probably going to
lose as an adult if you go head-to-head
you will I won’t
don’t do it you know what else you can
do distract be really silly start
selling silly songs do tickling talk
about something else rather than adding
more fuel into the fire what we want is
to keep things calm but remember in the
middle of that temper tantrum things
reached a big peak and that’s when you
want to step back a little bit and not
try to go head to head just wait for
that storm to pass
because you’re in the middle of the
aisle of the store
keep calm just be really gentle sit down
with them you could even rub them rub
their back maybe and just wait and it
will pass but let them know that this
horrible feeling that they’re feeling
right now will also pass too okay so
you’ve survived the temper tantrum now
what this is the really big opportunity
to try to make sure that it doesn’t
happen next time in quite the same way
now remember as parents we must mean
what we say and say what we mean so help
the child ready for next time this is
your learning opportunity it isn’t
enough for us as parents to say to the
child
don’t hit the dog what you’ve got to do
is show them how to be gentle how to
stroke the dog that way they learn so
let’s look at that situation let’s
imagine little ones had a big temper
tantrum in the supermarket what you can
say is gosh that was quite a time wasn’t
it you felt really frustrated what
happened there what did you think what
did you feel what could you do next time
when you feel that frustrated
how could mommy help you so that you
find it easier learn from that with
alone from that situation and reflect so
that it doesn’t happen again in the same
way next time and also think about how
you dealt with it try not to be too
filled to bad if it didn’t go and go
that well that first time because you
can get better at this the more that you
talk through those situations with
children the more able they will feel to
be able to communicate what is happening
and the important thing to know is is
that very soon your child will develop
all the language they need and the more
consistent you are with what the rules
are and that you stick with them the
easier it’s going to be for them to
accept that when a rule is there we’re
not going to do that today then they
just accept it because children feel
really secure with boundaries
good luck mum and dads I know it’s not
easy for more educational videos please
hit subscribe and if you’ve got any
feedback or any questions about what
we’ve talked to talked about today
please write it in the comments below
thank you