My name is Naomi Williams. I’m the Head of Pastoral Care in the primary at Southview School. A new school year can always be a little fraught for most parents. However, if you are a parent of a child who has school anxiety, it can be even harder.
Mornings can be incredibly stressful as you juggle their feelings as well as the need to get them to school and for you to continue with your day. And even if you manage to get your child to the school gate, you know how difficult their day might be, and you also know that you will be faced with the same battle again the next morning. It can be really hard to work out exactly what is making your child feel anxious. The first step is really helping them to identify exactly what it is that is worrying them. It is very important to ask the right sorts of questions. A difficult question, such as, What is wrong? Tell me what’s wrong? May not help them.
A great idea is to use something called an anxiety iceberg, which can help break down that barrier. It can open up the conversation and provide the opportunity for a much more relaxed way to explore together what it is that’s causing the anxiety.
First of all, draw a shape similar to an iceberg, such as this, and then draw a line to represent the sea. What you see at the top is the tip of the iceberg, and this is what you, as a parent, can see. For example, you need to talk to your child and say, I see that you’re not sleeping. I see that you’re angry. And I see that you think you can’t go to school. Once you’ve had this discussion with your child, you need to look deeper below the surface about what they’re feeling inside. This is where you can start to ask questions such as, I wonder, is it the noise that is in the playground when you first get to school that makes you feel like this? Is it the overcrowding that you find in the classroom? Is it perhaps your friendships that you’re concerned about, or the fact that you might have Mr. X as your math teacher? Drawing and encouraging talking with your child is much more effective than just asking them what is wrong.
Once you’ve done this exercise, you could bring this into school to share with their class teacher, head of year, or pastoral lead, because the more they know, the better place they are to help you. You need to discuss the specific worries that your child has and work with them to help them make different changes. For example, if it is the noise and the overcrowding that trigger the anxiety in your child, perhaps they can suggest different ways. For example, your child might start the day a little bit earlier, come into school, and help the teacher set up for the day. The most important part of school anxiety is honesty. Be honest with the school about why your child is not attending. The more we know, the better we can help support.
Wellbeing is at the heart of what we provide here at Southview School. The pastoral and the wellbeing team in our brand new hub have a priority of care, attention, and support for the children who need it most.
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