“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Have you ever asked your child this question? Though most parents may be very eager to know the career path their children would like to take, according to psychologist, Adam Grant, this question could be more harmful than helpful. Moreover, Grant argues that this question limits your child’s capabilities.

Psychologists like Grant have been debunking common parenting myths and staple questions, arguing that these do more harm than good. These common phrases may sound harmless but according to child development experts and psychologists, these phrases must be avoided, especially the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.

According to Grant, here are some reasons why this question should be avoided:

• The question encourages children to be more focused on their careers and work in order to gain and develop their identity. It is advised that children need to be focused on other non-work aspects of their life, like family and community.
• This question suggests that children can only aim to be one type of person and therefore limits their capacity. It is not only limiting, but in today’s world it is also unrealistic.
• This question does not acknowledge the fact that careers rarely pan out the way you imagined as a child.

Parents aim not only to raise children who are successful, but also to raise them to be good people, with values and integrity. Focusing on this question will instill a success mindset among children from a young age. A person should not only be defined by their jobs and their career successes, as this outlook can be unhealthy.

Similarly, many career passions do not pay the bills and many people do not have the talent required to be successful in some professions. Searching for a true career calling can leave one confused and in severe cases, depressed. The truth is, your child can be anything they want to be, but not all can live up to their dream careers. There needs to be some compromise in terms of learning new skills to fit into the job they’re aspiring towards. According to Grant, “instead of painting a rosy picture of a job, you are better off going in with a realistic preview of what it’s really like, warts and all.”

Instead, here are some questions which could be a more suitable alternative.
There are a lot more thoughtful and open-ended questions to ask your kids after school or while having a conversation with them at the dinner table. After hearing their answers, parents must discuss the ways in which their child can achieve their goals. The child can choose to be a lawyer, an environmentalist, or a doctor. Not only is this question a game changer for parents but also for adults thinking of changing careers.

1. What problems do you want to solve?
2. What five words do you think best describe you?
3. What do you love doing that makes you feel happy?
4. What do you know how to do that you can teach others?
5. What is the most wonderful/worst thing that ever happened to you?
6. What did you learn from the best/worst thing that’s happened to you?
7. Of all the things you are learning, what do you think will be the most useful when you are an adult?
8. If you could travel back in time three years and visit your younger self, what advice would you give yourself?
9. What are you most grateful for?
10. What do you think that person feels?
11. What do you think your life will be like in the future?
12. Which of your friends do you think I’d like the most? Why?
13. If you could grow up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for?
14. How would you change the world if you could?
15. How can you help someone today?

Benefits of asking open ended questions

Your child can uncover his or her own truth
When you ask your children what they want to be when they grow up, they can choose two to three preferences and stick to those for a long time. It will not open their minds to other possibilities such as doing the things they love,  spending holidays with the family, or making a career out of doing other things. Asking open ended questions and encouraging conversation with your child will help them uncover their own truth.

Your child can thrive in today’s demanding job market
Asking your child open ended questions can help them focus on how they want to spend their days, doing what they love rather than focusing on a specific title or industry. This kind of thinking helps them become more flexible with their career choices and eventually live a more balanced and well-rounded life.

We would love to hear from you, what questions would you suggest asking children?