How To Help Your Child Overcome ‘Shyness’

All children are born with individual temperaments. Temperament is the way a child interacts with the world. ‘Shyness’ is one type of temperament. Children with shy temperaments tend to be uncomfortable with social interactions, and sometimes keep away from social situations.

There’s nothing wrong with shyness.

A shy child often ‘warms up’ as he/she gets to know a person or situation. This means it’s more helpful to describe a child as ‘slow to warm up’ rather than ‘shy’. Labelling a child as ‘shy’ can make him feel there’s something wrong with him, or there’s nothing he can do about his shyness. Instead, you can say, ‘Lila takes a little while to warm up. Once she’s comfortable she’ll be happy to play’. This sends the message to your child and others that you understand how she feels, and she can deal with the situation when she’s ready.

Not all babies and young children with ‘slow to warm up’ temperaments end up being shy adults.

Supporting your child with shyness
It’s normal to want your child to be confident and comfortable in social situations, but this doesn’t come naturally to all children. This means that children who are slow to warm up need to practice social skills in small, manageable steps.

Build confidence
Remind him/her of a time when he/she was in a new situation and got through it. When going to a birthday party, for example, bring up another party you went to and how much fun he/she had with the other children.

Work on social skills
Give your child chances to practice their social skills whenever possible. For example, in the store, encourage him/her to pay the cashier. At dinner, have them order his/her meal. Invite a friend over to play so your child can get more practice being around peers.

Offer feedback
Praise or reward your little one for small steps, like saying “hi” or waving. If they freeze up in front of someone, talk about it. Discuss things she can try next time.

Express empathy
Tell your child that you can see they’re feeling shy and that you feel that way too sometimes. Share stories about times when you were able to overcome your shyness.

Model outgoing behavior
When you show your child how to greet people, converse, and be friendly, he/she gets more comfortable doing the same.

Above all, show love and acceptance. Let him or her know it’s ok to be shy.